What I did on my Autumn Vacation: An Essay (of sorts)

Day One: rise early, press shirt and cute brown pants. Do hair nicely. Drive 3.5 hours to Jasper Park Lodge. Check in. Greet friends. Refresh. Intend to go into Jasper Town for dinner with friends, but end up drinking (a lot) in the Lodge lounge and eating hot wings and fries and playing pool in the bar. Go to bed really really late and really really drunk. But not drunk enough to sleep through the sound of the Elk rutting party happening outside the cabin window. From approximately 3 to 5 am. Vacation is clearly going downhill at a rate of knots.

Day Two: Rise somewhat later but still early. Intend to go for run around pristine glacier-fed lake. Go back to sleep while husband runs by himself. Travel into Jasper Town. Have not bad (but not memorable either) toasted breakfast sandwich at totally forgettable restaurant without table service. Bemoan fact that it is totally unreasonable for anyone to expect you to walk to the counter to order food this early in the morning. Have Nap. Manage to run around lake. Weakly. Nap. Get drunk some more. Eat dinner at some point not quite sure when though. Fall into bed. Play trivial pursuit in lounge and drink. Play with Sheep puppet that Jen bought. Jen loves Sheep. Did I mention we were drunk?

Day Three: Eat much better breakfast at Papa Georges. Vow to only eat breakfast there when in Jasper. Order and devour the Papa George's Skillet which is a mound of the second best (v. high praise) hash browns I've ever had in my life topped with spinach and tomato and feta scrambled eggs. Yum. Have nap. Drink some more.  Have busy day inventing and playing River Bowling which involves chucking large river stones onto vast expanses of ice formed atop the Athabasca river, without cracking the ice. Unless you are my husband in which case, the point of your game is to make as many holes and big splashes as possible. Have really good pizza for supper at Jasper Pizza. Irritate the other patrons by hogging the video jukebox and ordering 20 bad selections, the highlights of which were Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" (note: WH can't, in fact, dance) and Hall and Oates "Secret Agent Man", which, Wow. Drink a lot more. But not enough to sleep through sound of 4 million Japanese tourists in next room having karaoke party in next room starting at 5:30 am.

Day Four: Stumble out of bed. Think about running around lake. Don't. Have breakfast at Papa Georges again and have the best tasting vanilla bean black tea ever made. Exclaim numerous times how good this tea is. Make all your dining companions taste it. Buy 8 boxes of cute Canadian Smarties that say, right on the box, "Eat the red ones last, Eh!" Think that they are so very cute, every one you know would like to have a box for Christmas. Photograph some sheep. Drive 5.5 hours to Kamloops. Stop for supper at really great Greek place (name escapes me). Fantastic calamari and dolmades. And possibly the best lemon potatoes ever. Wonder quietly if the lady at the next table who keeps asking for more and more flat-bread is stoned and experiencing the munchies. Until you try it and find out that she probably is stoned because they are clearly laced with crack. When inexperienced waitress is clearing tables and forgetfully places (virtually) untouched basket at empty table next to us, claim it as our own. Drive 4.5 hours to North Vancouver. Take amazing mountain sunset photos. Eat box of Smarties. Sleep. No drinking.

Day Five: Board 7:30 ferry to Departure Bay. Wait. Wait. Arrive Nanaimo. Give husband 20 minute tour and drive to Victoria. Wander around downtown. Have spectacular lunch at the Wharfside restaurant. Waiter is attentive and hilarious. Cake's mushroom thyme soup is incredible. Goats cheese and sun-dried tomato flat-bread is great. Buy totally unnecessary room sprays and candles. Make mistake of going into Roger's Chocolates. Have to be revived by paramedics as have collapsed in  dead faint after being flattened by yummy chocolaty smell after opening the door. Buy chocolates. Eat chocolates. Eat box of Smarties. Check into the most gorgeous B&B in Victoria. Take B&B lady's recommendation and go for dinner at Med Grill. Have Monday night 4 course menu. White bean soup is fantastic, as is Cake's candied pecan and pear salad. Mains are so-so but grapefruit panna cotta is unbelievable. Contemplate licking bowl.

Day Five: Contemplate running. Don't. Breakfast (vegetarian fritatta, granola, yogurt, fruit) is lovely. Visit Butchart Gardens. Take a billion photos (check out the photo album in the left column!) because it is the most beautiful (and enormous) garden ever. Marvel that it used to be a private property. Have great lunch at Martin's Place: rotini with white wine sauce and seafood. Nap. Go out for supper. Have seafood platter for supper at Blue Crab. Discover that, aside from the decor, it's overrated. Just another seafood platter. Buy more Roger's Chocolates.

Day Six: Contemplate running. Don't. Sylvia's lemon ricotta pancakes are like little souffles on your plate. Gorgeous. She has promised the recipe. View Craig Darroch castle. Depart Victoria. Stop for lunch at the Malahat Mountain Inn, which has stunning views of the mountains and water and which also does a mean burger. Drive to Crofton. Miss Ferry to Saltspring Island by 2 minutes. Curse. Eat box of Smarties. Have coffee and cookie in cute little cafe. Catch next ferry. Check into "Salt Spring Island Spa Resort" which is neither spa nor resort. What it actually is, is a collection of dated, log cabins with stained carpet and tacky red 1980's jacuzzi tubs with brass fittings. Hope for the best. Go for a run. Stop when arrive at big, big hill. Turn around, run the other way. Arrive at second unreasonably big hill. Give up. Have supper at the Oystercatcher. Cute restaurant, great grilled oyster skewers. Recall having pressed cute brown pants. Can't decide whether the wrinkled smelly ball of brown in bottom of suitcase is same pants as left home with.

Day Seven: Another run! Yay. The Salt Spring Island Not Spa Nor Resort has buggered up our spa bookings. I asked for 11 am. They were supposed to call if that wasn't going to work. Spa people get all huffy when I explain that one treatment at 12:15 and one at 3:45 isn't going to work. We end up meeting in the middle. Curious lack of diplomas or certificates on the wall. Leave with impression that the therapist considers smoking a lot of pot in the 80's was sufficient training. Waste of money! Travel to Salt Spring Island Cheesery for cheese. Look at cute goats and cuter ponies. Sample all sorts of cheese, and olives too. Buy cheese with intention of never sharing it. Miss closing time for lavender farm by 5 minutes. Bugger. Stop off at fish market for fresh caught halibut and clams. And butter, and garlic and lemon. Have green salad and fresh corn and barbecued fish and clams drenched in lemony garlic butter. Die happy.  Have spa bath in salt spring-fed spa.

Day Eight: Get up early and get going to the ferry. Stop for lunch at very strange coffee shop in Fulford Harbour. Building looks like a giant plaster tumour has taken it over. Must be the product of crazy stoned hippy stuccoers. Wish I had a photo. Sandwich was the best ever (it better be at $8.95!): toasted organic sourdough bread, slices of smoked tofu, goats cheese, other cheese, lettuce, pesto. Amazing. Catch ferry back to Vancouver Island (note: next time, hold it until the other side, as portaloo at ferry terminal is foul beyond words!) Drive through Nanaimo to Coombs to market. Remember why I love the Cooms Old Country market so much. Cakes loves the goats living on the sod roof, I love the dry goods and amazing bakery and restaurant and the Mexican vanilla which seems much more expensive that it was 7 years ago, but I did buy the full litre bottle this time!  Have seafood in cheese sauce over English muffins. Hear arteries clanging shut. Drive to Little Qualicum Falls and Cathedral Grove to get fill of 800-year old trees and beautiful waterfalls. Feel depressed that government has allowed Cathedral Grove (old growth forest park) to be renamed Macmillan (as in Macmillan Bloedel) Park. Grrrrrrr. Check in to guesthouse run by Australians. Is really cute, but am reminded that backpacking days are over for me. Bus terminal right below window. Loud night-owlish Dutch backpackers in next room. Have to share toilet. Miss kittens terribly so swear to get up early and depart. Sick of hotels. Sick of restaurant food. Did I just say that? Nah.... Must have been mistaken. Eat box of Smarties.

Day Nine: Get up stupidly early. Catch 8:30 ferry. Drive 13 hours home. Hug kittens a lot. Eat box of Smarties.

Day Ten: Wake up in own bed. Eat box of Smarties. Then eat the last one too, eh.

Comments

[Chris]

I'm so glad you discovered the greatest vanilla tea in the world! Now if only someone can tell me where to buy it in or around Edmonton. I'm tired of having to go to Earls for my fix of Mighty Leaf.

[Stephanie]

Lyn, sounds like a very interesteing trip!

At least there were lots of good meals...some of them had me wishing I'd be along.

Though that could have been awkward at times...

Must find that tea...good to have you back.

[Niki]

Fabulous! The kind of post (and holiday) I'd love to write about. 13 hour drive home?????!

[Lyn]

Niki,

My sweet darling Cakes drove for the whole 13 hours if you can believe it. I did my honest best to keep him entertained, but he surely did the most impressive task. Still, it was rather exhausting. We just missed the kittens that much.

[Jen]

Poor Lyn, it sounds as if we ruined the beginning of the vacation, but I would like to point out that it was not my fault you were drinking rum and tonic and Cakes was drinking gin and cokes.

I not only like sheep, but I miss the elk. They were tasty. Just can't find elk in Minnesota as easily.

Hope we can eat and drink together soon!